Don't argue with a demonologist

I'm sitting in a house church. I mean a meeting of Christians in someone's home, rather than in a church building. Everyone has been up and down singing songs and telling about people getting saved. These are good, well meaning people. Okay, I feel a little uncomfortable here. But it's bound to be good for me.

An older guy on the far side of the dozen attendees has a 'word' for me. My discomfort rises. Like, I hardly know them and now my inner person might be revealed through some penetrating insight.

"I see a glimmer of light in your eyes," this joker says, no doubt to the enormous interest of everyone else. "It's seems to light up now and again. The Lord seems to be saying (this is the part people fear - or love, depending on whether they are inured or addicted to this sort of exposure) that you are striving for peace, and that you can return to the Lord. You have drifted and you need to restore your first love for Him."

Or something like that. I can't recall the exact words. Partly because I was too embarrassed to memorise them with all those eyes on me. And partly because the words always seem to be the same. 'You are striving, but won't find peace,' or, 'give up your errors and return to the Lord,' or, worse than all the above but never actually worded like this, act like one of us and you can avoid getting nailed in front of people like this.

Later in the day the same guy comes to see me personally at my hosts home. He hasn't finished the word. I have had time to reflect, and I am now ready, prepared as it were to defend myself (part of me worries about this, as though maybe God is really trying to get through to me, but I am so far gone He has to do it when I am not expecting it, when my walls are down)

We move to a private room. I start off. "After you spoke this morning I reflected on your words, and decided you were right on the cracker. At my very best, I don't think I have more than a glimmer of light coming out from me. The day I think I am filled with light will be the day I am deceiving myself."

I'm in full flight now. "In fact your prophecy could be applied to anyone couldn't it?"

But he doesn't appear to grasp how I have outmaneuvered him. He moves on, ignoring my comeback, perhaps deliberately, letting me off some spiritual hook I am unaware of.

Or perhaps he didn't hear me.

"There was more, but it would have sounded weird. I had this vision of a fruitcake, but it seemed inappropriate to bring out that analogy," he says.

"No, that's even better!" I leap in, clasping this denigration like a penitent eagerly donning a hair shirt.

"Thing is, this fruitcake had all the ingredients. It was like you were near perfect in your makeup."

Shucks. Maybe the guy isn't so bad after all.

"But the fruitcake came out of the oven too soon. It was undercooked."

And then, more of - 'you need to cease your strivings, you need to return...'

We change topic. That morning they had announced a preacher in town converted from a background in Christian Science and Hinduism. Unusual combination, but then I haven't investigated Christian Science. Maybe it has an eastern blend to it. The old guy challenges me to go, and I have the evening free. Thirty minutes later we are in a chilly church hall singing repetitive songs.

The resident pastor has a letter to read, from a pastor in an associated church who also voted alongside these guys against permitting homosexual ministers. (That's not fair. It has nothing to do with this situation. Jury, you are commanded not to consider that remark in your judgments)

The associated minister had been somewhere, but all around the him the devil had struck, laying people low with illness. It was a sign of a spiritual attack.

The guest speaker is welcomed up.

"I was brought up in a Christian Science family, and never had pills or antibiotics until I was eighteen. Never had a days illness."

Gee.

"But it was deception. Satan can appear like an angel of light, making things look good when they are not."

Oh boy. My mind drifts, connecting the various lines together. I try and figure out how their logic works. Something like this. If you are bad guy, then when sickness and illness attack you, it is evidence of your error.

If you are a good guy, when sickness and disease strike, it is the devil attacking you, trying to undermine your work.

But if you are bad, you might not get sick, but it's just the devil deceiving people by granting you good health.

I guess the key is determining ahead of time whether the other chap is good or not. (If you don't follow the logic above, don't worry about it too much by the way. It is very niche stuff, this demonology and spiritual warfare). But there's more. How come more demons appear in situations where other demons are being cast out?

Anti demonology people have an answer. They say those people are deluding themselves, and need to find demons in order to maintain their beliefs.

Pro demonology people say more demons appear to attack those casting them out. Demons marshal their forces where the greatest threat is.

The preacher goes on and illustrates how eastern carvings and gifts are likely to have resident demons that can ruin your life or give you mood swings. Elephants are among the worst items to have around.

After he finishes, and I know this is going to happen, my older friend who has brought me along asks me if I want to talk to the preacher. I mean he has brought a wayward soul who might just need prompting to go to the front and confess all.

What am I to say to him? I had tried to come up with a reply before he asked me, but none came. It was all so sad, seeing them listening avidly, seeing them go home to their ordinary lives that they wish weren't that way, and burning their carved elephants hoping they would wake up the next morning to the news a rich uncle had left them everything.

And on my return to my hosts house, there is an elephant from India on the shelf. Triumphantly I pluck it up and warn them they had better burn it. But they laugh, kind of like me. Aren't these people childish, they agree with me. But ten minutes later friends of my hosts arrive, concerned over the elephants. It is too much, so I retreat to the internet until they are gone.

However my emotions are up, and I return to discuss other topics. We get onto the Bible, and he is talking about all the promises being kept. Since I have lately read Jack Miles, I ask him, "Well, what about all the promises not kept? What about the inconsistencies?"

"What inconsistencies?"

Damn. He has called my bluff and I am not prepared enough. "Okay, like the creation story. There are two creation stories, right there at the start of Genesis. And they are inconsistent."

"What are you talking about?" He can't believe it. So I get my Bible out and show him the story in chapter 1, then the second story in chapter 2, starting at verse 4.

"There is no contradiction here! This is just the same story!" My host leans forward, hot under the collar. Is it righteous indignation? Or rage at some long forgotten inner belief being challenged?

"Why do people do this!? What purpose do they have inventing this sort of rubbish!?"

Then he answers it himself. "Evil men, out to disprove the word of God."
 

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